Sunday, May 22, 2005
Ok Ok Ok. I haven't blogged in a while I know I know, leave me alone I can't be arsed. I'm working really hard, winning awards, increasing sales and getting a kick ass new phone! The Nokia 9300. It's a piece of...I don't know something so incredibly unbelievably excellent it does not yet have a name, hang on yes it does, the 9300! Yeah so the past couple of weeks I went to Emap Perfomance awards in Sheffield on Friday the 13th. We won The Inovation award for the Mobile team. I got drunk and leary and had one 9300 award winning time. The week followed with me increasing sales of wallpapers and ringtones for the Empire brand, watched Star Wars III twice its well 9300. Referals, referals, referals, well I'm getting pretty bored of going through the referals and people are just looking for 'Nigger porn', 'Romanian Child porn'?, fucking 'House M.D. Wallpapers' (I watched it once and it was wank) oh yeah 'watch me wank' etc I never wrote about any of that shite and why are people still looking for 'House M.D. Wallpaper'. Anyway if I feel like it I'll write more but I'm thinking of writing a book when I settle in to the house. If you want to be told when i've updated leave your email in the comments box and I'll tell you so until then Fuck off you dirty Chav motherfuckers.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005
So. Went home this weekend to see me girl, and it was my sisters birthday, and it was a bank holiday. Still feeling pretty ill, I spent most of the weekend 'snuggled' with the woman. In between 'snuggling' Saturday involved a night in 'that dirty shithole' known as Preston, for my sisters birthday, in a crap house called 'French Bistro' it was about as French as my ass and as much a Bistro as my cock is. The place was Chavved out with Hen parties, the tables barely holding the obese whores dancing on them wearing dress as white as the driven in snow, and flashing on unsuspecting drinkers. I was sick and left. Sunday was a slower day me broad and I went to the cinema with her sister to watch 'Hitchhicker's guide to the galaxy' in my opinion it was a bit shite, the Americans overacted and the story kept slowing down for some sentimental/moral shit. Sunday night was the quiz, and for some reason thats not so much fun anymore, being in Ormskirk isn't now I think I've burnt all my bridges so I don't know if I could enjoy company there. Now I'm stuck in this London limbo of mal-enjoyment. Monday was a family +3 Sunday roast and then the journey home which I slept most of after listening to 'The Simpsons Sing The Blues' which is probably still one of the best albums out there. After a really bad nightmare I don't want to talk about I'm back in work checking over my shoulder. However there are some corker of referrals from the past couple of weeks, so in at No8 is...
Search: 'nigger dick' my site comes 49th its on page 5
Search: 'watch me wank' my site comes 24th its on page 3
Search: '"House MD" "wallpaper"' my site comes 20th its on page 2
Search: 'FHM 100 Sexiest Women Party London April 2005' my site comes 5th
Search: 'prague woman wank' my site comes 4th
Search: 'famous people and syphalis' my site comes 3rd
Search: 'things to do in Prague when you're drunk' my site comes 2nd
Search: 'young romainian pussy' my site comes 1st.
There you have it, it seems that my list of referrals are now the main tag for referrals. Wicked.

Thursday, April 28, 2005
Ok I havent blogged for a while and quite franly its because I can't be arsed. I just saw Nick Frost outside and I got quite excited. since the last time I blogged I've been seriously ill and now my throat has swelled up when I estimated all the coughing and spluttering to have disapeared earlier this week but in fact it just got worse. I'm going to a drop in centre later to try and score some drugs which put me on some sort of higher plain of nirvana. I've watched a load of dumb ass films such as 'Bring it on Again' and 'Snapshot' and all sorts of wank before passing out later to be woken by bouts of choking on my own breathing. Here's some referrals from the last week:
Search: 'drug called stonx' - My site comes 1st
Search: 'fuck a duck a lucka mother fucker' - My site comes 1st
Search: 'fhm 100 doors venue' - My site comes 2nd
Search: 'Hugh Laurie sexiest Doctor' - My site comes 6th
Search: 'two girl action in prague' - My site comes 8th
Search: 'prague fuckers' - My site comes 9th
Search: 'fucking my mistress' - My site comes 36th its on page 4.
I fucking hate London and the causes of London.

Thursday, April 21, 2005
Ok one or two days missed, because I've been rather ill. Gone to work, gone home, watched TV thats about it. No exception yesterday as I had to watch the Everton/Manchester United game, and experienced a rabid Chris climbing up the walls. Nearly over my flu thingy. And for you especially interested, here's 3 referrals:
Search: 'bucarest bitches' my site comes 2nd.
Search: 'prague cunt' my site comes 3rd.
Search: 'Jimmy Carr 8 out of 10 cats' my site comes 4th.
One of these days I'm gonna do something really interesting and write a chapter. But at the moment, I'm just wallpapering tits, minge, and ass.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005
After a day of looking at girls for FHM's 100 sexiest women, I unwound with a quick drink with Chris and then home to watch 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen'. Its alright in a silly sort of way. They shouldn't of dated it because it put all the characters out of timeline continuity. But I suppose kids will like it. Thats all I've done really nothing that major to report. Sorry

Monday, April 18, 2005
Well the Saturday and Sunday went pretty slow after the over exciting day out to Fabric. We got back to Southfields in the early afternoon and slobbed around I had a long luke warm bath and read nuts. The evening consisted of eating shepherds pie, watching 'Doctor Who' and then Dave and I watched 'Grim Weekend' on the Horror Channel. A film chock full of cliches and stupid twists, which was incredibly easy to guess what was going to happen. It did however contain random comments and phrases which would be good to sample such as a long stoned 'Nice one' and an under acted 'This looks like some ritualistic shit!'. Sunday included a patchy walk down the Thames to Hammersmith and not really enjoying a drink at the 'Blue Anchor' (the pub used in the pathetic film 'Sliding Doors'). Chilli Con Carnie for tea, then TV night of 'Hollywood Homicide', a badly funny action comedy with Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett, and then a new medical drama 'House M.D' (which Helen was assured by the Observer was this great new American comedy starring Hugh Laurie), it was shit and I've informed Helen not to believe what she reads in the paper. In it Hugh plays an American crippled doctor, who's a genius, and doesn’t play by the rules, he gets an ex-con to break into patents house's to find the cause of the unusual typical case, he doesn't like talking to patents but has to at the end of the episode. I think this will be the structure for each episode, so I wouldn't bother watching it.
I found out a while back that my counter lets me find out how people found my blog. With some unusual searches I have decided to give you a few of them and the position of my site.
Search: 'prague fun stuff to do strip club' - My site is 2nd
Search: 'do girls go to prague' - My site is 2nd
Search: 'watching piss made me wank' - My site is 9th
Search: 'little Romainian pussy' - My site is 10th
Search: 'nigger dick cheese' - My site is 21st (its on page3)
Search: 'absinthe at prague airport' - My site is 40th (its on page8)
Search: 'scouse people wanted' - my site is 80th (its on page9)

Saturday, April 16, 2005
Went out to Fabric, with Chris and Helen. Shroomed and Ginned up. Staggered through toward the second room, hosting the bands. I watched 'Black Wire' from an alcove to the right of the stage, before the shrooms kicked in fully I decided to get a drink, noticing people and enjoying my descriptions of them, I decided to note them on my phone, as a memory aid for writing this. It began when two girls approached the bar I was propping. The first one had bleached blonde hair. I knew she was bleached not because of the luminous glow; it was her stance it was awkward, uncomfortable, she was smoking a cigarette and I also knew that she is not a regular smoker, she didn't inhale. She was a club smoker, a social smoker, peer pressure, it aint cool. I then look around some more while approaching the raised hidden platform noticing all the rich kids running around. They dressed like richer chavs, they don't care about the condition of their clothes because they can throw them away, they don't watch where they're walking, and making sure no one scuffs their white trainers. This kind of creature needs a new title, their richer than chavs, grimier than grimy's, suggestions will be much appreciated. From standing on the platform I notice the room of dancing look like a mass seizure. Chris and Helen are standing over to the left of the room, I remain on the right, remembered a conversation Chris had with Helens housemates about politics and wondered whether standing on the left or the right of the stage could collate to personal view on politics. I see you a couple sitting on the stage they boy is laying in her lap and she is stroking his head, I think I've always wanted a girlfriend like that never moan and being generally close together. But the ones I choose are never like that except for the Kiren we often lay about in each others lap stroking and kissing. However I'm not right for her or for any of the girls I choose, I always pick the clever ones who go for the stupid boy look then get bored after a month and finish it. They stand up and leave her insistence. Some commercial kid asks me whether Jacques Le Cont (I thought he said Jack the Cunt) is playing I have no idea and ask Chris he tells him he's playing in room 1 he leaves. Helen wont stand on the stage with us because she thinks she'll become a 'pole dancing slut' later she doesn’t realise where she is as we watch 'Clor' and then 'Art Brut' (Helens favourite band) she can't see them as well as us but she is adamant she can. During the DJ break I venture to the toilets, It's a strange system, it's like a chavy town pub at night, 1 in 1 out, smells of pot I eventually get to the urinals, where there is still a queue, and suggest standing closer together to let more people piss, it's not homosexual to piss, and there will be a nicer flow (no pun) of people into the bathroom. I go to the toilet later on in the night toward the end before we leave and the toilets have become the best venue in town, everyone who’s anyone is there chatting and socialising, filling the bottle of water so down have XTC brain clot and die, women are trying to figure out how to use the taps, some girls go to the men’s and notice that there are no ‘closed toilets’ which made me wonder where men go to shit, I was not aware that the toilets are unisex I just follow the flow of people, vomit reigns supreme. Earlier I was on the raised alcove again watching ‘Art Brut’ and after asking Chris for a cigarette a nice young American student asked for a drag to which I obliged and had a quick thought that people in this dirty city should be nicer to everyone and brighten up people’s days. The American girl and I chat and dance, she tells me that she’s from Chicago, and thinking it would impress her I said ‘The windy city’ then realised it was a stupid thing to say because I don’t actually know where Chicago is in the USA, I tell what I’m doing and she tells me her story of being here and all that jazz. Her boyfriend comes over and snogs her then he chats to me rolls me a cigarette slips it behind my ear and leaves. I finish my Marlboro then grab the present he left, hoping that it was a spliff but I doubted it as I smoked it and sporadically pretending it was for a psychosomatic effect. The tobacco hurt my throat as well as the shouting it still hurts now. I slump down and smoke this roll up and some girls next to me are crouching over snorting coke or speed or something, I ask what it is and the girl first replies ‘Nothing’ which I thought was a stupid answer because they are being the most inconspicuous drug takers in there. Then she returns with ‘Heroin’ which I thought was stupid because I didn’t think you could snort heroin. But I don’t know everything about drugs and I’ve never done heroin. Chris gets my attention and we leave and meet Jack Jack and sit around for a bit and chat. Jack Jack was pretending to be a coked up ponce and it was really annoying. We leave around 3 and ascend flight and flights of stairs covered with a riving mass of dirty pulsating animals, reminded me of a something similar to a clothed orgy and when I climbed a few more stairs a green light descends on them and it reminds me of H. R. Giger’s ‘Biomechanical Landscape’. We leave and eventually get back to Helens house and am put on the couch I hear an Outkast song in my head and I’m trying to remember what it is and then imagine an English football tour coach full of BNP skinheads chanting it, feeling happy that it’s a popular song and then remember what it is, ‘Lovehaters’.

Friday, April 15, 2005
Well from yesterdays entry I omitted a few events. Due to forgetful drunkedness. So I'll break it down in a brief day by day jobbyness. Friday: Worked went to meet Dave for a birthday drink then drove home and as the big O would say 'I drove all night' got home about 1ish watched a little bit of softcore TV porn and went to sleep. Saturday: Went to Liverpool with Jessi she was looking for some stuff for her excursion to Africa. Had fun with her and her sister. Drank and played darts with Jess that night. She stayed at mine. Sunday: Stayed in bed with Jessi all morning only to get up to go to dinner with parents then took Jessi home, that night went to the quiz and gatehred all the old camping stuff I owned to give to Jessi. Monday: did a few things and then flew to Prague that night, not much to report on that day. Tuesday: Dossed around for a bit then met Drew at the airport. Dropped his stuff off at the office then went for a walk around Prague and drank outside cafes and things. Later we ate at the medeval restaurant 'U Sedmi Svabu' as mentioned in 'What to do in Prague when your god and the devil', we then went to the Giger party. A band began after the drummer was practicing hitting the drum every five minutes for 5 seconds a time. When the band began the first song in their enterage (I don't know how to spell it) was a cover of 'That's the way aha aha I like it' I think I mentioned that yesterday. The VIP room for Giger was empty and Hans only came in for about 10 minutes then left again. I blagged me and my brother in by using my bosses name which was crossed off, I hope he didn't try to get in. I met the NYC agent who told me he read my blog and that CJ or JC or someone who contacted me last week wanted to meet me but Drew and I left, and staggered around Prague and had a few more drinks in 'Cafe Ritual', where some proper spaced out American started chatting shit to us then floating off into space, and then 'Bombay' (I dropped my glasses in 'Bombay' but retrieved them the next day). We wandered home and across the railway to the office. I stayed up for a bit and talked to Ales while drinking 'Balentines' straight, I don't really like whisky. Wednesday: We woke up and got up late, and was asked to go and pick up some musician Gary Lucas who was scoring a 1920's silent film at the exhibition that night. We eventually found the hotel and got him and his bastard well heavy equipment to the museum via taxi and had carry it and down numerous flights of stairs, (I think I mentioned this yesterday too). Before he asked us to sound check for him we legged it and had a few drinks in the outdoor park pub over the road. Then wandered down the hill into town. We had a few drinks, had something to eat, got changed and went back to the museum for the exhibition. Their was a wedding before hand but they wouldn't let us in to see the freaks. The Hells Angels arrived, and the daft arses who got Giger tatoos, who just walked around topless all night looking hard, we bought the catalogue, looked around, saw him give a little speech and waited for him to be free to grab an autograph and a picture. However he went into hiding after his speech, I saw his bird Carmen walking around gathering food and drink for 'The Master', but the next time we saw him he was being hurried out of the building and into an armoured huma. It was around then that Drew and I thought 'ah fuck it lets go' so we went back to the office dropped of the catalogues and went into town, watched the football in a lovely herna bar upstairs on the unsafest balcony. When Liverpool won through aggregate drew was excited and we went into town to a few new bars, 'Fat Boys', and I actually cant remember the others we had a tinny outside a club becasue we couldn't be arsed going in and some tramp talked to he was 40 and he has been homeless for 20 years, we're not sure he wanted the beer, cigarette and money we pretty much forced at him as an attempt for him to leave, but ah fuck it, at some point we got back to the office and went to bed and I woke up about an hour later and threw up in the shower, I don't know why I was sick, I wasn't that drunk and I hadn't felt sick until I got into bed, strange. Thursday: I got up earlyish with Drew and we went into town and had a drink in the old town square a 'very expensive I actually didnt order this' drink and watched the italian invasion, then we moved to the river again had a drink and Drew ate then I took him to the bus stop, I think he got home alright he hasn't rang me yet saying 'Chad where am I'. The next couple of hours I talked about yesterday, so after I left the internet cafe I went to airport read outside a little signed in went through duty free picked up a load of drink and cigarettes and hid it my bag. I had a seat in row two so I was first out of the plane and out of the airport. I met my parents who gave me the keys to my new car which I still have to get used to and I drove down to London and got home to Southfields at 1, watched some music video porn, then watched Terminator 2. Dave came in at 2 and we had a chat, had a smoke, watched a bit more of T2 then went to sleep. Now you've caught up I don't want many questions about what I did.

Thursday, April 14, 2005
I haven't blogged for a number of days now. I've been in Prague since monday. The Giger exhibition I had worked on since November opened on Wednesday, and my Brother visited too. The job I started in November was now taken over by Aleš whom I helped on various visits earlier this year. I recieved an invitation for my brother and I and I showed Drew the bright lights and late nights of Prague. We had a laugh at all the locals and the rock band that played a Czech version of 'That's the way aha aha I like it' and met various people associated with the exhibition. On the exhibition day I offered as a favour to pick up a musician from his hotel and take him to the museum, but he saw this gesture an invitation to make us his roadies lugging big heavy gear up and down three flights of stairs. The exhibition was ok I personally expected more however the space was huge and full of paintings and sculptures you can get close to and touch. Giger was there but he was hidden away for most of it and left early. This slightly annoyed me because when Iwas researching his work he said he hated exhibitions because noone really liked his work and he talked to people who just gave him a pat on the shoulder and tell him to 'keep up the good work' that was 1966 it is now 2005 where he is internationally aclaimed is followed around the world to exhibitions by adoring fans. Yet he hides from praise. The next day I was promised I would meet with him for a dinner, I took Drew to the airport and came back the dinner isn't happening now I asked if I could find him and after a lot of messing about at Divus they suddenly remembered that he is at the museum for a press conference I said I would take some Divus stuff to the museum and after some messing around again i went to the tram watching four No9's go past and eventually boarded a 26 i got there, turned the corner to see him and David (Jumped up Czech gardener who's taking the praise for doing fuck all) Jahn leaving the museum I raced over and got a signing he was as friendly as he could be I suppose and I was tired but happy I got an autograph, however when I opened the book the Ink had stuck to the page and I had no choice to rip it. It reminds of the saying about never meeting your 'idols' because it just ends baddly. I will post another blog back in England when I have calmed down somewhat and remember other events that happened during the week.

Friday, April 8, 2005
Quick drink with the mobile team I work with at lunch, then after work went to Helens and aint food with no meat, whats all that aboot. Then went to a gig which was a bit dull. Then went home and watch soft core bravo porn. Entitled 'Virtual Encounter 2' it was a joyous romp invovlving two college students who invent a virtual reality sex inducing machine, and all the campus students have a (pardon the pun) bash. Soft sex every two minutes, lots of muff. It was signed too for those unfortunate enough not being able to hear 'ugh ugh, ahh ahh'. I turned it off after half an hour the story wasn't progressing fast enough for me and oh yeah it was wank!

Thursday, April 7, 2005
Welcome back to the new ChadBlog 'what to do in london when your god or the devil' the old 'what to do in prague when your god or the devil' is now archived so you can visit it through adding 'archive.html' to the address bar. I now work for emap publishers in London on the mobile team making wallpapers and uploading stuff to the wapsite, the office is very spacious and nice. I started on tuesday so here's a little recap on the past few months:- January: Bored and depressed, no job, no money, no hope... February: Went quicker than January but still shit... March: Got wit Jessi, went to Prague again for a bit, got a part time job in a golf club... April: So far got a job in emap through Chris, had to leave Jessi in Ormskirk and now sleep on a sofa bed. And here's a little recap on the last few days:- Tuesday: Start the job a little nervous but get along fine, went to the pub after work wit chris, Dave, Amy and Matt got drunk went home with Dave, drank some more passed out watching 'the lakes'... Wednesday: Went and ate meatloaf with Chris and Helen got meat lethagy, finished work went home carried on watching 'the lakes', no sex in the second episode, I wouldn't bother watching it if I were you. Went to bed about 11 pretty tired. As usual I'll write the whole days events the next day cos I can't see into the future yet, sorry.